When the Dream No Longer Fits - Exiting the Dream

What happens when one no longer relates to the dream one has been living?

When the dream of the church, the dream of family, the dream of a workplace, or the dream of a local community no longer fit? The Dreams that were handed over before one knew there was a choice.

What then?

For some, the move is simple and clean.

Exit. Begin again.

But for many, there's a tangle. Stories and identities knotted together. A need to justify the leaving in a way that feels acceptable to everyone who stayed inside the same dream. That need is a projection. It's the one leaving trying to quench another's sense of reason — so the people left behind don't feel abandoned. So they don't feel the rejection the one leaving has silently carried for years inside the initial dream.

Many loops are born while looking for external permission to exit the current story and dream freely. Needing another to validate the exit is the drama triangle's reinforcer archetype working overtime. Insecurity tied to another's approval. A loop that keeps one still trapped in some corner of the very dream one is trying to leave. One of many loops that run beneath the surface — the mental grooves worn deep by story, identity, and need for belonging. A need for external love. If one follows their own storyline, one likely recognizes these patterns. They show up in different costumes but run the same circular script.

So how does one actually move on?

Courage. Bravery. Willingness to let go.

One must be willing to surrender, not just the dream but all the stories attached to it. Every archetype that lives inside it — victim or hero, both are still part of the original dream. Victimhood doesn't exit the story. It becomes a new chapter of the same story. A different room in the same house. The story got traded, not released. And the loop continues, albeit with different wallpaper.

So how does one let go of the whole story? How doe one let go of the subconscous attachment to an archetype and to the old identity that pulls into some satisfying level of being held by the old dream?

One simply tunes into dreams, into projections, and into inquiry.

How does one release the subconscious grip of an archetype? The pull of an old identity that still offers some satisfaction, some sense of being held by the old dream?

One tunes in. Into dreams. Into projections. Into self inquiry. Into lost innocence. Into the aspect of self that was abandoned when the false dream was accepted as ultimate identity. That same self is now trying to rise. Trying to build something that belongs entirely to itself.

So who is the self that is trying to rebuild a new reality?

The self is someone who’s been trapped in trauma, in unpredictable chaos, with no escape or affinity to reverence. The self is someone who is unsatisfied with their status. Who was or feels unloved in the old story. This self is without tools or capacity to experience the current dream with non-judgement love. This self is either running from or to change. This self is at the core misunderstood.

And are we able to completely forget the original dream?

Yes and no.

The leaving needs to happen with love versus spite. Without love, the next space gets contaminated. One who leaves still convinced they are victimized by the previous dream will carry that story into every new room they enter — every dream they create.

The trauma travels. Wears a different costume. Runs the same script. The loop continues.

With love, acceptance reveals impeccable truth.

With love, compassion reveals impenetrable confidence.

With love, integrity reveals luminous radiance.

And here is where many get stuck in another loop entirely.

Some push against loving another with non-judgement. Without loving those one considers perpetrators the loop remains. We love not because they deserve a pass, but because without that love, one remains locked in yet another room of the same dream — a room called resentment, called grievance, called righteous wound. The loop runs there too.

Love and be loved.

To be loved is to allow oneself to be loved from one’s self. To love regardless of reason. This is its own discipline. Its own courage. Many who can give love freely simultaneously erect walls against receiving or deserving it. Allowing love in — from others, from self, from the parts of life that were once labelled enemy — that is what begins to dissolve the loop at its root.

So unconditionally love the part of oneself that wants to leave – judgement free.

This is not the time to abandon self again. (Read: The Parts We Condemn Become the Demons We Fight.)

This is the time to love and be loved as one moves into the next stage of life and maybe closer to remembering one’s original self.

And here's where it gets interesting.

As one arrives at this loving place — as non-judgmental love finds its way in and out — two questions may rise:

1. If one has this love now, this expansive love… why leave?

2. What is it about this dream that has one fleeing like a mouse who just realized the true nature of its best friend who is a cat?

Most likely the first question will be the only one, but be assured the questions that rise are a trap and a doorway simultaneously.

They are the blue (trap) or red (doorway) pill from the movie The Matrix.

Chose with heart-based conviction and conscious discernment.

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I’m offer sessions where I help people see and exit a pattern they feel stuck in.

If something in your life keeps repeating and you want clarity on it, I can help.

Reach out.